Cyber Sociology
As the number of women writing Carrie Bradshaw-like sex and dating columns skyrockets, the percentage of op-ed political columns written by women remains depressingly low. It is in this vein that I acknowledge I have taken an extended hiatus from long-form political entries. Sorry about that! But I promise, serious politically minded Leah will return right after I finish this paper presentation. Fluff to follow;
To make the argument that the Internet has changed our communication and dating practices would seem a tad obvious at this point. But still, I can’t help but think about the hilarity and possible insight that would ensue in writing a quasi-sociological work on how the Internet has “revolutionized” the dating practices of teens and twenty-somethings.
Of course there are the more obvious ways dating life has changed: websites like match.com, J-Date, and e-Harmony. But I am less interested in these sites, and more in the subtle changes the internet has provided – the small interactions, flirtations and just as important, the confusions that the internet has brought to our single lives.
Growing up mainly before the advent of Instant Messenger, it quickly became the flirtation method of choice along the halls of my freshman year dorm. I specifically remember being ICQed an mp3 (also a newfangled concept back then in the pre-itunes era) by Barry White and wondering “is this a sign he is interested?” Boy does instant messenger open the floodgates for over-analyzing and miscommunication. Yes, he ended up being interested…but maybe I should have let the fact that we spent every waking minute together speak to that rather than his mp3 choice. From college I looked on as my sister applied IM technology to the high school dating scene. Watching her navigate the world of high school crushing from the relatively anonymous seat behind our painfully slow 56K powered Packard Bell grey box, I was jealous. Had I had instant messenger in high school would I have found the guts to ask out my silent crush of four years? Probably not, but you never know.
But looking back, I am relieved to have made it through high school before the dawn of the ipod, the internet and the cell phone (only Cher in Clueless had one). Not only did I actively engage the people around me as I walked through the halls at school, when I eventually did exchange numbers with my high school crush and call to discuss math homework, it was a big deal. I am not becoming a cultural conservative here I promise, but there is something to be said for old-fashioned (and by this I mean mid-nineties) dating practices…not that I know much about these said practices. But I hear there was a time when men and women definitively asked each other on dates and people knew what it meant – and didn’t “chat” you on IM or ask how you were doing on Friendster – their egos protected by the vagueness of it all.
Case and point: Awhile back my friend (we’ll call her C) informed me that a guy she was reintroduced to at a party had contacted her through Friendster (we’ll call him S). Paraphrasing of course, he informed her he was “bored at work, randomly surfing Friendster, found her under their mutual friend’s profile and thought he would say hi.” She actually believes this! “Do you think he’s interested,” C asks. Uhhh…, PUUULEEEEEASE! Well I guess this isn’t a good example of the trials and tribulations of online connections, because last night when I asked C when she and S were going to be comfortable enough to call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” she happened to be online scanning Friendster and discovered he had recently changed his profile status from “single” to “In a Relationship.” Guess that answered that question. So it isn’t all bad.
I may have had a personal foray into the world of email declarations of interest myself recently. However, I think from now on I will stick with the old fashioned methods – but at least I have tested out the new technology, and know for sure I prefer the old.
Feel free to comment with your more awkward online moments – including googling and away message stalking. You know who you are…
To make the argument that the Internet has changed our communication and dating practices would seem a tad obvious at this point. But still, I can’t help but think about the hilarity and possible insight that would ensue in writing a quasi-sociological work on how the Internet has “revolutionized” the dating practices of teens and twenty-somethings.
Of course there are the more obvious ways dating life has changed: websites like match.com, J-Date, and e-Harmony. But I am less interested in these sites, and more in the subtle changes the internet has provided – the small interactions, flirtations and just as important, the confusions that the internet has brought to our single lives.
Growing up mainly before the advent of Instant Messenger, it quickly became the flirtation method of choice along the halls of my freshman year dorm. I specifically remember being ICQed an mp3 (also a newfangled concept back then in the pre-itunes era) by Barry White and wondering “is this a sign he is interested?” Boy does instant messenger open the floodgates for over-analyzing and miscommunication. Yes, he ended up being interested…but maybe I should have let the fact that we spent every waking minute together speak to that rather than his mp3 choice. From college I looked on as my sister applied IM technology to the high school dating scene. Watching her navigate the world of high school crushing from the relatively anonymous seat behind our painfully slow 56K powered Packard Bell grey box, I was jealous. Had I had instant messenger in high school would I have found the guts to ask out my silent crush of four years? Probably not, but you never know.
But looking back, I am relieved to have made it through high school before the dawn of the ipod, the internet and the cell phone (only Cher in Clueless had one). Not only did I actively engage the people around me as I walked through the halls at school, when I eventually did exchange numbers with my high school crush and call to discuss math homework, it was a big deal. I am not becoming a cultural conservative here I promise, but there is something to be said for old-fashioned (and by this I mean mid-nineties) dating practices…not that I know much about these said practices. But I hear there was a time when men and women definitively asked each other on dates and people knew what it meant – and didn’t “chat” you on IM or ask how you were doing on Friendster – their egos protected by the vagueness of it all.
Case and point: Awhile back my friend (we’ll call her C) informed me that a guy she was reintroduced to at a party had contacted her through Friendster (we’ll call him S). Paraphrasing of course, he informed her he was “bored at work, randomly surfing Friendster, found her under their mutual friend’s profile and thought he would say hi.” She actually believes this! “Do you think he’s interested,” C asks. Uhhh…, PUUULEEEEEASE! Well I guess this isn’t a good example of the trials and tribulations of online connections, because last night when I asked C when she and S were going to be comfortable enough to call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” she happened to be online scanning Friendster and discovered he had recently changed his profile status from “single” to “In a Relationship.” Guess that answered that question. So it isn’t all bad.
I may have had a personal foray into the world of email declarations of interest myself recently. However, I think from now on I will stick with the old fashioned methods – but at least I have tested out the new technology, and know for sure I prefer the old.
Feel free to comment with your more awkward online moments – including googling and away message stalking. You know who you are…
posted by LeahT at 9:11 AM
2 Comments:
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Oh lord, if I had a nickel for every misunderstood tone/conversation on IM I could retire right now! After a disasterous misunderstanding with my boyfriend freshman year of college, I vowed that if there was a serious conversation to be had then phone was ideal with email a distant second. IM almost does more bad than good because you have no idea if your sarcastic responses are being answered in earnest--and vice versa.
Like women need more excuses to overanalyze vague guy behavior.
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