Tis the Season to be Single

Speaking of growing up...I think I have simultaneously evolved and regressed of recent in my interactions with the opposite sex. As you all probably know, "Leah" and "committed relationship" do not often refer to each other, and more often than not seem to be polar opposites, repelling each other at every turn. Somewhere along the line I think I convinced myself that when the right person came along I would miraculously get over my fears, but I realize now that I feel extremely productive as a single individual and don't want my goals to be filtered by the needs of another person right now. When I am confident enough as an individual, I will no longer fear becoming stagnant in the presence of another person's needs.

Slowly but surely I am getting there, and I see this because the type of person I am interested in is changing. While this observation certainly has not yet passed the test of time, I feel my interest in the unattainable ending. By pursuing fellow commitment-phobes I ensure I will never be weakened in my determination to remain single for I am not given the choice. Recently, I have developed an interest in someone who seems to be the commitment-type and has an intellectual depth that I am completely drawn to. But what was it I was saying about regression? Maybe I should mention that I don't know this person. I guess you could say it is a different type of unattainable. Backwards sure, but for someone like me, it is progress none the less. ;-)

Ah, being alone during the holidays is so peaceful. I am obviously not ready yet.